Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
