White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
