I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
