Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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