oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
