I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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