the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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