Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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