somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
