I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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