The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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