my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
