This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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