This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
