Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
