im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
