how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
