i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you inspire me to be a worse person
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You've changed since you got that strap on
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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