im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We have started to decorate penises.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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