i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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