Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
