So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
oh god was she eating orange peels again
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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