i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
