none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just forgot I was standing up.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
