Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
