Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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