plz talk dirty to me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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