can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
