just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
