nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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