the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
