Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
