Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
