Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
