i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
