Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
