I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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