I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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