im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
