I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
