found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I want to be your penis for a week.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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