My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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