You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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