he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
