i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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