He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize