Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
