Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
