3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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