i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
