I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm too high and old for this...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
