Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
