Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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