I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
