My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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