my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
