I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
