I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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