if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
