We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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