we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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