I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
