Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
