Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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